Carnival Cruise (Belize) – Day 4 of our adventures, we woke up in Belize! This place was probably the most adventurous due to the physical activities that we chose to take part in this day! We were going zip lining through the jungles and cave tubing! I was extremely nervous about the zip lining, but we’ll get to that in a sec.

We woke up and got ready for the day, packing our water shoes, bathing suits, and other gear for the excursion. We went to the lido deck for our morning breakfast buffet as usual, before meeting up with our excursion group. The ship didn’t dock here, but anchored, so upon exiting the ship we had to take a small tender boat to shore. It was maybe a 15 minute ride and I was able to keep my nausea in check. We then took a bus ride from the shore to the theme park which was a little over an hour long.

​Our tour guide, Niori was a nice Belizan guy who informed us that our time with him would be in fact “UN-BELIZE-ABLE!” He also gave us a little insight to the culture on this rather new independent nation. Belize used to be the Republic of Honduras, under British rule until about 1983 or so. The main dialect on the island is not French Kriol, but Belizan Kriol. The phrase of the trip was “YAH MAN!” Upon pulling out of the bus station we drove through the streets of Belize City, in which Niori told us that there are only 7 traffic lights on the whole island of Belize, and only 6 of them work.

That was assuring! There is also only one cinema and one bowling alley on the whole island. Currency in Belize is double the USD, so gas prices there are about $12, which is about $6 a gallon, USD. We should feel lucky things for us here are still hovering below the $4 mark (well, in Jersey anyway).  On this bus ride we also passed a school, and a cemetery in which the tombs were oddly above ground. Niori explained to us that this was because if you dig past 3 feet underground you hit water. So in the case of a husband and wife being buried together, the first person was buried 3 feet underground, and then the second person was just placed on top of the ground, to equal 6 feet. Belize is also known for its export of tropical produce such as mangoes, oranges, pineapples, coconuts, etc. He said about 97% of the oranges found in Florida orange juices comes from Belize. Do not believe the 100% Florida Oranges Labels!

He also explained why cashews are so expensive here! They are one of the most dangerous nuts to harvest.  Cashews actually grow in a fruit, which looks like a cross between a red bell pepper and an apple. The nut rests on top. You cannot eat the fruit because it is highly toxic! In order to extract the nut from the fruit and dry them, they must take them out into a field and burn them which produces a chemical so potent that it could blind you! This dangerous process is why we pay so much for these nuts! We take for granted the things we have no idea went into making such a small tin of nuts. Niori passed back multiple pamphlets on all of the information he was talking about. There was one male couple who appeared to be from Sweden or somewhere of the sort.

They kept annoying Avi and I because they kept hogging all of the pamphlets and we wanted to see the information! Haha! As we indulged on all of this information, we made our way into a more rural area of the island. In the distance, we could see a mountain range that locals call “The Sleeping Giant”. It looks like the profile of a large man’s head lying face up. Niori said that’s where we were headed, and to be aware for the place we were going to be inhabiting for the remainder of the afternoon was called Jaguar Paw Park, and that actual Jaguars do live there. They do not believe in restricting their wildlife from where they want to go, just for the sake of tourism, but he did assure us that they would see us, before we saw them, and they would actually avoid us.

Trust me, this did not put my mind at ease one bit!! I just tried to ignore this information and enjoy the day. We continued on our bus journey down long stretches of road with hut-like houses scattered along the way. As we approached the park area a bit closer, we had slowed down our pace a bit and were able to see the curious locals making their way out of their houses to catch a glimpse of the tour buses coming through. Little children were playing in their front yards and running up to the bus and waving. It was the cutest thing ever.

After more twisty and turned roads, we had arrived at the welcome area of the Caves Branch Outpost Adventure Park. We were driven up a dirt path and upon exiting our air conditioned bus, we were escorted to a more “earthy” school bus. It was literally a school bus. A hot and sweaty one at that! Avi and I ushered ourselves into a 2 seater with our backpacks like eager grade schoolers on the first day. As all of the adventure seekers got situated on the bus, Niori gave us a little pep talk.

There were multiple tour groups here at this park, so he decided to give us a code name so we knew when we had to meet up throughout the day. He called us “Niori’s Legendary Crazy Cashew Nuts”, and we were directed to respond with a “YAH MAN!” so he knew where we were. The bus had started it’s journey through a small section of brush and then we came to a steep hill surrounded by jungle on both sides. The bus accelerated with all of its might to make its way up this hill. The way down on the other side was just as steep, and it was scary to think what would have happened if the breaks would have went out! OH MY!

Upon landing at the bottom of the hill, all of the passengers’ heads chaotically moved to and fro like bobble head dolls as the wheels at the back of the bus bounced, grounding us once more. We came to an area of little huts with straw roofs scattered throughout the park, where we exited the bus. We were directed to water shoe rentals or to purchase our locker keys from the attendant, which was about $5.00. The beauty of a cruise is that you don’t really have to worry about money conversions, as most of these excursion parks accept USD. If you are doing any sort of water sport at a park like this, I HIGHLY suggest that you bring your own water shoes!! I bought a cheap $12 pair from target, and Avi invested in his a little more and bout a pair of Merrell Water Sneakers for about $100.

It really doesn’t matter how much money you spend on these, cuz they’re gonna get wet and dirty. It’s just important to have your own because I am pretty certain that the ones they offer at the parks are never cleaned, and you never know what kind of foot fungus other people could be spreading around. Just the thought of that grosses me out! I was skeeved out enough as it is, wearing a sopping wet life vest that someone else had worn before me. Most of the life vests smelled like a gnarly combination of wet dog and body odor, it was really not pleasant at all. Anyway, we had skipped over the water shoe rental and hit up the locker key stand instead.

After we got our keys, we headed to the locker area and put our stuff away as the sounds of Caribbean music filled the tropical air. I was so excited to get going! Avi and I both went to the bathroom and then met back up outside to make our way to the gear station. As we walked there, we heard screams from above. As we looked up, we saw zip liners crazily zooming across the jungle over our heads. I nervously looked up and Avi caught wind of the possibility that I may have very well been shitting my pants in anticipation of this new thrill seeking venture. HAD I COMPLETELY LOST MY MIND!??! He assured me that 200 feet above ground isn’t really all that high. “That’s about like, 50 of you”, he reassured me. He was not helping. 

We made our way closer to the front of the gear line and eventually suited up. The gear was pretty heavy, and I felt sorry for Avi’s suffocated “man parts” due to that restricting harness. After getting all situated, a nice person offered to take our picture of us in our gear. Afterward, our group had hiked about a half mile uphill into the jungle toward our safety briefing. As we climbed up the man-made stairs up this very REAL mountain, Avi and I joked about how we felt like we were contestants on Legends of the Hidden Temple (If this doesn’t show our age)! I passively made conversation and laughed as I secretly was keeping an eye out for snakes.

All of the sudden I spotted a coiled up looking creature resting on the stairs in front of me. Before my eyes could focus on what it was, I assumed the worst, and jumped about 5 feet into the air. I scared Avi, and the people behind us were laughing at me hysterically. I am a spaz! The coiled creature was just a dried up palm leaf or something of that nature. I felt like an idiot, but needless to say we all got a good laugh about it, so I’m glad I could have provided some entertainment along our monotonous 2 mile trek up a mountain with 10 extra pounds of solid gear on, in the tropical heat. NBD.

Eventually we came to a rest area for our safety briefing with a little island man named Richard. There was a sample zip line running over a half moon shaped area of about 3 rows of stadium seating which reminded me of Survivor’s Tribal Council area. All we needed were torches and an immunity necklace. My eyes wandered around wondering who I would vote off if I could. Richard welcomed us all and demonstrated some different techniques for braking and remaining a forward position. He swung back and forth like a little monkey and made things look so easy. I was still not completely convinced that I knew what I was doing.

After he dismissed us from our briefing, we walked more and got in line on a staircase leading up to a platform high in the trees.  I was anxiously shaking in anticipation as we waited in line to do the first line (which was the longest, and highest, at about 200 ft). Yea, cuz that’s not scary!  The workers would yelp like monkeys across the way to the guy at the other end of the line, to let them know when they were ready for the next victim. We laughed our asses off at the random shit people would scream on their zip across the first line. I went ahead of Avi, and he filmed my first zip line.  The look on my face was definitely one of uncertainty as the jamaican sounding island man pulled me by my harness and instructed me to stand on a wooden crate to get my footing. He looked frustrated with me because I didn’t understand him through his thick island accent.

When he finally got me hooked up and ready to go, I took one last unsure glance at Avi’s camera as if to say, “Well it’s been nice knowing you babe!” As I floated away on the line, you could hear the relief in my “WOOHOO!” as I ascended into the jungle at lightning speed.  The wind rushed past my body as I floated upon the canopy of palms, ferns, and mahogany trees which are native to this land. I remember doing what they tell you not to do, which was looking down! I WANTED to see how high I was, to seize just how adventurous this whole experience actually was. As I made it to the other side, Avi close behind me, I felt all of the adrenaline rush out of me, totally stoked that there were 4 more lines to come! This was by far one of the most adventurous things I have ever done.

It all went by so fast, I really wish I had a Go Pro cam so we could have filmed more of our experience. I tried filming Avi during his, but we had on thick utility gloves so it was hard to get things set up quickly. He got yelled at for trying to film, but he managed to leave the camera running and tied to his belt as he went across the second line. This was by far a great experience, and I would do zip lining again in a heart beat. I just wish there were more lines here for all the money we paid to do it, but I guess when they’re cramming in a double adventure, that’s the price you pay. They have to get their people back to their cruises on time, and we still had to do our cave tubing.

After the zip line, we had regrouped with Niori before being sent off with our cave tubing guide, Peter. We got on our water shoes from our lockers and then went to pick up our lifejackets, light helmets and neon green inflatable tubes. As we got our supplies, we trudged up yet another mountain toward the caves. Peter stopped every now and then at different trees marked with signs to identify them. We saw Mahogany Trees, Prickly Yellows, Cotton Trees, and Coconut Trees. We finally arrived to the clearing, the entrance of the cave which was surrounded by lush greenery and fresh water filled with tiny little clear minnows. I was hoping they were harmless! There were about 10 people in our group, 2 people per row, all hooked together by putting their legs under the person’s armpit in front of them. Avi and I were placed in the very back, right behind none other than the same Swedish dudes who were annoying us on the bus! My foot was wedged under the one guy’s armpit and I swear he was squeezing my ankle on purpose.

I was in pain the whole time, so if you’re gonna go on a tube tour that uses this method, I suggest trying your best to make a b line to the front. Also in the back, it was a bit hard to hear our tour guide because there were about 5 other tours going on in front and behind us.  Even if you whisper in a cave, the sound just bounces around, so all it sounded like was a trail of echoes. I got a few bits of information, like the red deposits on the ceiling were iron, and there were also limestone deposits.  Also the Mayans used to come into these caves to perform sacred rituals. There was also a section of the cave that was exposed to light, due to a sinkhole that had collapsed the earth where that part of the cave was.  The water in the cave was shallow for the most part, but went up to 40 feet deep in some parts. I did witness a fruit bat flying through the cave upon entering. They live in the holes of the cave ceiling and eat up to 1000 insects per hour.

Also if you are going to do this excursion, be sure to lift your ass in the shallow parts because you will cut it on the rocks! Those rocks are a bit sharp… Avi’s butt snagged a few! I was paranoid and kept lifting my ass. The tube tour started off fun, but it slowly became a bit annoying between not being able to hear our tour guide, snagging butts on rocks, and our ankles being twisted under the armpits of the complete strangers in front of us. The cave tubing was fun, but the zip lining totally took the cake here. After we exited the cave, we had to trek back down the mountains with our tubes and returned all our gear. By this point we were STARVING!

We headed back to the lockers, put some dry clothes on, and headed to the bar for some grub and a cold one. We feasted upon some delicious authentic Belizan cuisine: Stewed Chicken, Rice & Beans, and Cole Slaw. Avi also got us some chicken tacos and we washed it all down with some cold Belikins which was the local beer of Belize. After, we hit the gift shop where I bought a bright blue beach bag with fish on it, for my mom, a postcard with an iguana on it, and a cute wooden butterfly keychain that said Belize on it.

The bus arrived as we were checking out, and Niori shouted for his “Legendary Nuts”! We hurried back aboard the bus with our gifts and Belekins in hand. We got situated in our seats and the bus wasn’t leaving yet because there were a couple people missing from the group. They took like 15-20 extra minutes just trying to track these people down! They finally got on the bus and we headed back to the port. During the ride back, Avi and I both drifted off to dreamland as Niori answered some questions from our curious tour group. I heard him telling them that he goes to night school to study. I forget what exactly it was that he was studying, as I was drifting to a deep sleep.

We had awoken to the sound of the bus brakes as we had pulled up back to the terminal. As we gathered our things to disembark, Niori thanked us for coming on his tour and taught us one more phrase to take home with us. When asked where we went on our adventures, we should say in Belizian Kriol “Ahm be gone, ahm Belize!”  We had a wonderful time here, and we left with great knowledge of this beautiful island. As we prepared to exit the bus, Niori explained to us that we had about one whole hour to do some shopping along the tender docks where we were dropped off when we got there earlier in the day.

I think we were something like Dock 10. Avi and I strolled along the docks drifting in and out of a few shops. I bought a cute red gauze sling bag and a little woven bookmark with a little cloth doll hanging on the end, which both said BELIZE on them. We were in the shop maybe 10 minutes or so, and Avi started getting noticeable anxious. For some reason he sensed that we needed to get to our pier ASAP. We ran down to dock ten so Avi could ask the lady what time our tender gets there. She saw that we were with The Legend Ship and directed to the pier all the way completely at the other end of the pier. He was like “Oh Shit! Do you know what time it leaves?” She told us that it was leaving NOW. It’s a good thing Avi had that gut feeling, or we would have been stranded in Belize without our passports, since Avi insisted that we keep them locked in our room safe on the ship.

I mean, I understand you don’t wanna lose something like that, but what good does it do in there, if you’re in an emergency like that!? I didn’t even want to imagine what would have happened! So we booked it to the other end of the pier and hopped on the tender just as they were about to close the door. The tender hand had made sure we were on The Legend, and then intercommed over to someone that he had found “The Two”… You mean we were holding this shit up? OMG. Why did Niori tell us we had a whole hour to shop and that we were already by our tender dock? RULE: Don’t ever rely on what guides tell you, always double check yourself with travel times! We nervously boarded the tender by the skin of our teeth, and the tender hand continued to intercom with the Legend’s captain. Apparently we weren’t the last 2. There were another 3 people missing from the tender, but unfortunately they didn’t luck out so much. The tender hand wanted to wait for the couple a bit longer, and was arguing with The Legend captain because he wanted to leave on schedule.

The captain had won that battle, and we were back off across the sea as we made our way back to the ship. YIKES for that trio! I hope they had their passports on them! The only option they had at this point, was to get a flight from Belize’s tiny little airport and meet up with our cruise in the next stop which was Roatan, Honduras. If there were no flights out, they would have had to get a flight back to port in Tampa or wherever, but if their passports were on the ship, then they wouldn’t be able to enter the country. Also, what about their bags? Carnival had everything! Talk about an expensive mistake! These were all of the things Avi and I were realizing when thinking about what we would have had to go through had that actually been us. We were so relieved we made it when we did…

When we finally got back on the ship, we had to start getting ready for our dinner reservations at the steakhouse with Kristin, David, Jackie, and Cheryl. This was probably the only meal we actually paid for on deck, I think it was something like $35 a person for a 4 course meal and the dress attire was elegant, so we had all had a reason to get all fancy shmancy! I wore a really pretty blue cotton top maxi dress with flowing chiffon in a blue and orange mandala print, and my hair in an up do. Avi looked equally handsome in a dark olive button down shirt and his hair slicked to the side. We had some time to kill before dinner, so we headed down to the bar in the main lobby and watched the Polynesian Live Wedding Style Band as we sipped on Miami Vices and Pina Coladas. Afterward, we took the elevator all the way to the top level of the ship, where the exquisite restaurant was located.

As we walked into the cathedral ceiling dining room, we were seated at a big round table and waited for the rest of our party to arrive. The decor was beautiful, wooden banisters and a greek mural which stretched along the top of the back wall. Soon after, Kristin arrived with David, and Jackie and Cheryl followed soon after. We started with some appetizers. Avi was brave enough to try the Escargot Bourguignonne which was a garlic herb butter sauce. I had the Lobster Bisque with Vintage Cognac, which was quite delicious. We were also brought out little dainty cups of chilled tomato soup, compliments of the chef. They were pretty tasty! We all had some salad, and ordered our main courses. I think Avi and I both got the Surf & Turf if I remember correctly.

All the food was just so delicious, we were so stuffed after, but we still had to order dessert! I got the chocolate sampler which came with little shot glasses filled with different flavors like Bittersweet Chocolate Cake, Banana Pannacotta, Tiramisu, and Chocolate Marquise. Avi opted for the cheesecake which was larger than his head. Like, literally! We took most of it back to the room. We all had wonderful conversation throughout dinner. Kristin’s coworker also had family on the ship as well, and they were dining across the room from us. Her boyfriend had actually proposed to her which was fun to watch happen.

After dinner, Jackie and Cheryl decided to go back to their rooms or something of the sort. Kristin had the night off from shows, so she wanted to hang out with us and wander about the ship. We decided to hit up the bar and lounge area in front of the Medusa Night Club for awhile where Angie, the ship’s acoustic guitarist was stationed, entertaining passer-byers or other folks lounging around the area. Kristin bought us some drinks at the bar, and we chatted in some plush leather lounge chairs for awhile, about life and her plans, and how long she plans on working for Carnival, etc.

Some of her friends came down from dinner and everyone was congratulating her friend on her engagement. People came and left the area, and as time had passed we started getting bored and tired, so we decided to go inside the Medusa club and get a round of shots. We had some fireball whisky and danced mostly on the top level. We had fun people watching the disco dance floor from above. We were laughing at all of the drunk white girls dancing, down below the balcony we were watching from. YIKES. If I remember correctly, there may have been a scuffle and some people had gotten kicked out of the club.

Things started getting out of hand so after some dancing and drinks, we left the nightclub and hung out outside the club a bit as the bouncers were doing their job. Kristin was telling us about how there was a jail, a hospital, and a morgue on deck. Then things got really heavy and she was telling us about some of the people who have jumped off the ship, committing suicide, during her time working there. That thought is pretty scary. Not that I’ve thought about it, but that doesn’t seem like the best way to go if you ask me. If you jump, and you live, now you’re floating in the middle of nowhere in the freezing cold ocean, until a shark decides to come and eat you alive. No Thanks!
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Well anyway… we may or may not have made our way down to crew bar that night. I know by the end of this day, I was extremely exhausted, and we needed a good night’s sleep because the next day was Roatan, Honduras where we will get to interact with monkeys and parrots! Goodnight all!

So this day Avi and I woke up feeling pretty refreshed.  I believe we slept in a little bit, around 8:30 or 9 or so .  We got our bathing suits on I got my little pool bag packed with a book and our sunblock, etc.

The book of choice on this trip was Eat, Pray, Love. I’ve seen the movie about a MILLION times, and I tried reading the book once, but don’t even think I got 100 pages in before I had other priorities and abandoned ship (no pun intended).  But I wanted to actually finish it this time, and what better time to read about traveling adventures, than when I’m actually on my own travel adventure myself.  I didn’t even really bother to put sunscreen on this first day.  I wanted a tan, and I didn’t mind the burn.

So before we headed out to the pool, we figured we would hit up brunch in the Truffle’s Dining Room Lower Level. We walk in and see Kristin, her mom, & David sitting at a booth table with some chairs on the other side, so they motioned for us to come sit down.  The table area in front of the seats we filled were a bit crumby as if someone had been sitting there before us and left.  Alice & Cheryl had been to breakfast and then left to go do things on their own, so we took their seats.  We apologetically asked for some menus the next time the waiter came over, and he seemed a bit annoyed since he thought he was done with that table.  Kristin and her mom had already finished brunch and had already moved on to the banana cream pie. So the waiter brought us some menus and as we were deciding what to order, Kristin and Jackie decided to enlighten Avi and I with how they felt about Alice wanting to constantly say prayer before the meals.  I didn’t realize that they were as against it as they were, I never really conversed with them about religion, but I was relieved that they had the same stance on it as Avi and I had. I mean, let me put this into a better perspective.  We are not really AGAINST religion, or anyone wanting to practice their own beliefs on their own accord.  The thing we are mostly against, are overly religious people, trying to push their beliefs on other people, and trying to make you take part in THEIR religious practices and rituals against your own free will, just for the sake of spiking an argument over the war on religion.  Some people just like to do this for a rise, for an opportunity to say how much better their beliefs are than yours.  The more they told us about Alice, the more this type of person she seemed to be.  Avi and I had a discussion about the awkwardness of the first night’s dinner prior to this brunch, and we decided that if we got caught in another one of Alice’s trick Graces, and she asked either of us to lead.. we were going to just start reciting The Pledge of Allegiance (Christmas Vacation Grandma Style) or The Preamble to the Constitution. Kristin and Jackie really got a kick out of that idea as we all laughed.  Avi and I finally put in our order; he got the steak and eggs and I got the huevos rancheros which was AMAZING. I practically ate 3/4 of the thing, and it was a hefty portion. It came with three different salsas.  One looked like a dark red chili paste, then there was a mild to spicy green salsa verde, and then your regular tomato salsa.  The green one tasted the best on everything as a whole.  Kristin, Jackie, & David left us to our own devices as we finished our meal and we agreed to meet up later.  Avi and I finished our brunch, and then headed up to Deck 9 to the Serenity Pool lounge.

Upon entering, we headed to towel check out. They actually sign out towels to you, solely to lie out on, and you have to return it when you leave. There was a couple that had JUST dropped off their towels while we were standing there waiting to be assigned 2 towels. There was also a whole wall of freshly folded towels right behind the towel clerk. The clerk rolled up the two towels that the couple had JUST returned, and gave them to Avi and I. Avi took them and we went to leave.  I said to Avi, “Um.. I’m pretty sure that guy just gave us those people’s dirty towels”.  Avi usually oblivious to this sorta thing fought me on it, “No wayyyy, why would he do that? These should be fine, I don’t think they would give us dirty towels.”  I thought maybe I was just seeing things, so I said, “Ok If you say so” and ignored the possible argument that could have ensued. We focused our attention to finding somewhere to lie instead. Finding a spot to lay out on this day was a bit more hectic than the first afternoon on board. It was actually almost IMPOSSIBLE. I left Avi with the task of supplying us with some frozen drinks, while I scoped out potential leavers so we could swoop in and steal their seats.  This place was HOPPIN! There was literally nowhere to claim. Every layout chair, canopy cabana, and hammock was taken.  The sky was clear, the sun was high, and the heat was HOT. Finally out of my frustration, I decided to pop a squat on the wooden bench right off the pool. Avi brought the drinks over, “Any Luck?” I was starting to get frustrated, but was determined to snag a chair. “Nope.”

A “happier than necessary” Carnival photographer was circling the area like a shark, asking couples to pose together with their drinks.  They paparazzi the shit out of you while you’re trying to relax, and then charge you up the ass for the photograph if you want to buy it. I was annoyed at this point, still not able to find a chair, but reluctantly forced a smile. The photographer walked away and finally we saw a couple leaving to the right of us. I pretty much ran to secure my spot! So we settled on 2 layout chairs one row back from the edge looking out into the ocean.  It was a nice spot, I was happy with it! We went to roll out our “clean” yellow towels to cover our chairs when Avi goes, “Ewww what the hell is that!?” It looked like a huge red stain like someone either menstruated on it, or spilled their drink on it. I screamed, “I TOLD YOU HE GAVE US DIRTY TOWELS!”. I handed mine to him and disgustedly asked him to take them back, and added, “AND TELL HIM TO GIVE US CLEAN ONES!”

Avi returned with the clean towels and we proceeded to lie out.  I started reading Eat Pray Love and Avi and I both started to burn.  We figured we would just burn the first day and get a head start on our tans.  As olive skinned as we both are, we were pretty pasty from being bundled up in New Jersey all winter long.  It felt good to just have the sun on my skin. Avi did however, decide that regardless of not using sunscreen on the majority of his body, he did want to sunscreen his feet. So we laid out at the pool for a majority of the morning. We took turns watching the stuff when one of of would get too hot, and let the other go take a dip in the salt water pool. At one point, we started to sizzle so much out there on deck, that I decided to go get us a couple of waters to stay hydrated since we had been throwing back Miami Vices all morning. Miami Vices were a magical frozen concoction of Half Pina Colada and Half Strawberry Daquiri. It was our drink of choice throughout the whole trip. But anyway!….

I decided to go to the bar to get a couple glasses of ice water for Avi and I, and one of the female bartenders kept ignoring me. I was like thinking to myself, why is this such a big deal, it’s just 2 cups of ice water, and it’s not like we are able to tip them anyway, so that excuse was irrelevant here. Finally, one of the guy bartenders took notice and filled me one glass… I was like, “Oh I asked for two”… The way they both went about the situation was just kind of rude, like they had better things to do then fill my glass with water. The nerve! Anyway, I finally got our glasses of water and headed back to our chairs on deck. We stayed out here until about 2:00 PM as we were getting a bit hungry. We returned our towels and then headed back inside to get some food. Unfortunately, the buffet had just been cleaned up for the hour, so we walked down a level or a few to the other pool deck which had a stage with some live entertainment, and a buffet line with BBQ food! We snagged some plates and got a light snack since dinner would be in just a couple hours. I grabbed some nacho chips and fresh salsa along with some potato salad and some iced tea, Avi got the same thing but added a hot dog and fries to his mix. We sat on the deck, enjoying the warm climate, and the break from our sunshine filled morning. We ate and chatted as the acoustic guitarist onstage, Angie, would serenade the crowd with 90s chick rock. Avi was testing out his new water camera throughout our little snack meal and I awkwardly posed for him with my cup of iced tea. After our snack, Avi was still fiending for something sweet, so he helped himself to one of the soft serve ice cream machines right next to the BBQ buffet. It was very tempting, believe me, but I wanted to save my room for dinner at Truffle’s dining hall that night!

We went back to the room to shower and get all fancy shmancy because before dinner, we were going to meet up with the whole gang at David’s bar right outside of Truffles to take some formal photos. I put on a cute little coral color Vera Wang chiffon sundress with sexy criss cross back straps, some matching coral lacquer Vince Camuto heels, and left my hair as loose beachy mermaid waves, garnished with a faux hibiscus flower hair clip on one side. Avi looked equally stunning in his dark Iris colored button down with nice slacks and dress shoes, his hair nicely parted to one side. We headed down to David’s bar around 4:00 or so, and he made us some very special martinis which Kristin put on her Sign and Sail card. He made me a Tiramisu Martini, which he first spider webbed the glass with chocolate syrup and garnished with a  maraschino cherry before filling it with 100% alcohol, no fillers. I don’t remember exactly what kind of liquor was in this, but I can assure you it was HEAVEN in a glass! Avi ordered a regular Dirty Martini with the olives. As we sipped on our classy cocktails, the group made their way down to the bar, dressed to the nines. The photographer was a little mexican man who had a fake backdrop set behind a baby grand piano a few feet in front of the bar. Kristin, her mom, Alice, and Cheryl were getting some formal photos done before Avi and I had joined them. We alternated, some with just Avi and I, some with Avi, Kristin, and I, some with just Kristin and her mom, and some with the whole group together. The pictures really came out beautifully. After the photos, we sat at the bar awhile longer and chit chatted until Truffles was opened.

Once we finally made it into Truffles, we were seated at the same table we were at the night before. This time, Kristin sat on the outside because she had to leave early to get ready for her show that evening which is where we were going after dinner. I don’t remember exactly what I had for this meal, I never took a photo of it :-(. This is why I have to take photos of everything, cuz I have a horrible memory! But anyway, during the dessert course there was a band in the dining hall that broke out into song with “That’s Amore”. All of the chandelier lights would flicker to the music in unison, and there were other little flickering red and white recessed lights doing the same thing in the ceiling as all the waiters and busboys stood in a row, singing along as all of the patrons on the double decker dining room stared around. Some were confused, some in amazement, some actually singing along (I was the latter). We swayed along with the crescendoing key change of the classic as we gobbled spoonfuls of refreshing and palette cleansing orange sherbert to finish up our dinner. If my memory serves me correctly, Alice was actually on her best behavior this time, and didn’t put anyone on the spot to say Grace. We all parted ways after dinner and agreed to meet in the theater for Kristin’s show later that night. Avi and I took the time to wander the halls a bit, sit by the window and overlook the water.
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Soon after a little digestion and relaxation, we headed to the theater for Studio VIP, which was a pre show in which they had a small red carpet set up outside the theater with a live camera feed to the big screen inside the the theater. Willy, the hilarious British cruise director, would interview audience members on the red carpet and ask them where they were in the 70s, and what their favorite songs were in the 70s. It was really quite comical. Avi and I went at sat in the 2nd or 3rd row along with Jackie, Alice, & Cheryl. As we sat there, Willy came up to Avi and asked him to come be a “VIP” on the red carpet. Avi was hesitant at first, but then he went along with it. I was all excited, I had my camera ready to film his red carpet interview on the big screen in the theater, but there had actually been too many people in front of him, that by the time it got to him, they were ready for showtime. So Avi came back all disappointed, as was I, but we were still excited to see Kristin in her 2nd show of the cruise, Studio VIP, which was based in the 70s era, with afros and bell bottoms, and just amazing disco music.  The dancing, the singing, the audience participation, it was all just amazing. If I remember correctly, they pulled up certain audience members on stage at the end to learn “The Hustle”, and whoever performed on the stage got to go to a VIP party with the cast afterward.

We didn’t’ take part in this, but it was fun to watch. After that show had ended, I think we may have just gone to get a drink at David’s bar, because Kristin was in another showing of Motor City’s Motown show, so she couldn’t hang out with us at that point. We also may have gone down to the comedy club again… I really don’t remember what we did in this block of time, as I have no photos of this to jog my memory LOL!

By 11:00 pm, Kristin was done with her shows, and we met up with her in the comedy club so she could take us downstairs into the cast n crew underground lol. We went downstairs for drinks and to hang out once again, and once again I felt like I needed toothpicks to hold my eyes open. Walking around on a ship all day, lying in the sun, and eating really takes a lot out of you, and mind you, we have not even started excursions yet at this point! I don’t think we hung out TOO late this evening, as we all had to get up at the buttcrack of dawn for our excursion in our first stop, Cozumel, Mexico.
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Avi and I got back to our cabin and passed out as soon as we hit the pillow… We were looking forward to the next day ahead!

This past winter, I had decided that I wanted to do something BIG for my boyfriend Avi’s birthday since he threw me a surprise party for my 30th in December.  I knew I wanted to surprise him with a trip, as we were both in MUCH NEED of a getaway! I had a rough winter with financial troubles, car troubles, health troubles, so I wanted to do something that would be the most affordable, but would be adventurous and different as well.  Then I remembered that my best friend Kristin Turner, since 8 years old, has been working on Carnival Cruise Line’s ships for the past 5 years.  She had been asking me every year to come out, but the timing was never right, and I never had the money.  Shit, I didn’t even really have the money this year, but I said WHAT THE HELL and decided to slap most of it on a credit card.  Life is too short to not see this beautiful earth of ours, and I wanted to see her as well, and see what her career life was like. Not to mention Avi had NEVER been on a cruise before!  It was the PERFECT vacation and trip birthday surprise adventure!

Turner helped me plan everything, and was extremely helpful in that aspect.  I did everything I could to make sure this trip went on without a hitch.  I drove all the way to PHILADELPHIA from central Jersey to make SURE I had my passport renewed, and all of the necessary documents to travel outside of the US.  So I just want to take this time right now to say a HUGE thanks to everyone who helped me get the things I need to make this trip go smoothly… My Aunt Maria who works for airlines, was able to book me a “trip” so I could put a speed delivery on my passport, My BFF Marie for making the trek to Philadelphia with me just to pick up the thing.  That was fun anyway, we ended up making a day trip out of it, went to New Hope, PA for lunch, as sick as a dog that I was that week.
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So I had this surprise element going with Avi for a really long time… probably up until about a week before the trip!!!! AHHH!!! It’s a good thing I decided to go to Carnival’s website and read more into the cruise we would be going on. I didn’t realize that we still had to book all of our SHORE EXCURSIONS!!! So it was then, that I decided to tell my love where we would be venturing to in just a week.  I messaged him while he was at work and told him that when he got home later that night, I would be telling him where we would be going.  He was so EXCITED! So he came over later that night, and over dinner I said, “So where do you THINK we’re going?” He was like, “I dunno, how would I know?” And I kept playing saying “Fine then I’m not telling you since you don’t wanna guess”, ahhahahahaha! So finally, I screamed, “WE’RE GOING ON A CRUISE!!!!” The look on his face was priceless, and he was like, “Seriously!?” Then I told him that we were going to see Kristin, and he started piecing things together saying, “So THAT’S why you said you needed to wait to hear back from her”.

So later that night, we went on Carnival’s website and checked out all of the cool attractions on the ship that we could take advantage of.  We also looked into the shore excursions and weighed all of our options according to the reviews, the prices, and what we both thought we were adventurous enough to try.

The Cruise we booked was a 7 Day West Caribbean Cruise on the Carnival Legend, traveling to Cozumel Mexico, Belize City Belize, Roatan Island in Honduras, and Grand Cayman Islands, with 2 full days at sea.  We picked the tour of the ancient Mayan Ruins of Tulum in Cozumel, Ziplining and Cavetubing in Belize, the Pirate/Bird/Monkey Park in Roatan, and Dolphin Encounter n Turtle Park in Grand Cayman. I was SOOOO NERVOUS BOUT THE ZIPLINING!! I remember my friends Joe and Mel doing the zipline over Fremont Street in Vegas and thinking they were crazy.  And that was only going over a street… never mind 200 feet above the Belizian JUNGLE!!  We really want to get a snorkel excursion in there, but all of the good ones seemed to conflict with the other ones we picked.  I figured the snorkel was a good thing to do on its own, on a separate trip.. so that just means we’ll have to go back to the caribbean to do this, and I’m fine with that! 🙂
Anyway, back to the cruise….

We would have to fly to Tampa, Fl where the boat is docked. About a month before the trip, Kristin’s mom had called me to tell me she was going on the same cruise as us, and she was on the same flight as well! She was going with her mother in-law and her girlfriend from work. So before our trip, Avi and I had gone mall shopping for all of the necessary things we need for our trip. Avi and I got so many bathing suits, some water shoes, etc.  Avi also had bought a water camera, since we would be doing some water excursions, and such. He ended up getting a Nikon Coolpix AW120 Compact – 16.0 MP Digi Cam in bright orange.  This camera has some great features and the sample vids we saw online we’re enough to convince.  We also found that you can take photos WHILE you’re taking video without interrupting the video.  That was a happy accident.  There is also a video record button directly on the back panel so you can go into video mode without going into the camera’s settings in the menu, and anytime you’re not recording, it automatically keeps you in photo mode.

So on Saturday, April 26 we started to pack.  Avi started clearing off all of his memory cards, charging camera batteries, etc.  I got a head start on the packing while he was doing all of that.  He left soon after that to start on his own packing.  In the midst of packing, I would chat with my BFF Marie, as she was in Hawaii the same week we were going away as well.  She made me laugh so hard cuz I was telling her how I was getting my buzz on as I was packing (My mom opened a bottle of white), so she was making fun of me saying how I’m going to get there and open my suitcase, and all I’m gonna find is wheel of cheese and chapstick! AHAHAH!  Yea Kids, DON’T PACK TOO DRUNK! But anyway, I had my island reggae and latin jams on the cable music channels to get me in the Caribbean mood!

I think I packed all day up until 2:30 in the morning or so.  Around then I had left to pick up Avi.  His dad helped Avi get his bags in the trunk, and then before leaving, he told us “Have fun, Don’t do anything stupid!” LOL!  Then I took Avi to the bank real quick to take some cash out of the ATM for spending money on the trip. After we got back to my house, I put on the TV and we decided to take a bit of a nap before my parents dropped us off at the airport.  Along Came Polly was on, so we both napped a bit while that was on.  At 3:30 am,  I woke up to Avi tapping me to wake up.  My parents helped us get our bags in the car, I decided to grab another sweatshirt as it was probably something like 45 degrees outside! Pretty brisk.  So on the way to the airport, we all thought, “Hey, maybe Zizi Mari is working now!”… My Aunt always works the middle of the night to morning shifts at Newark Airport.  So we pull up to the drop off terminal, and my dad is helping us get our bags out of my mom’s SUV.  Sure enough he looks in the window at the checkin counters, and my aunt was working, so he makes a B-line for the sliding doors, as my mom’s standing there like “ROY! WE HAVE TO LEAVE, WE CAN STAY PARKED HERE!”, so she’s freaking out and goes to me “Go get your father!” So Avi and I go to the checkin counter, and my aunt is cracking up saying to the other staff “This is my brother!! And This is my niece and her boyfriend!”  So my dad leaves, and my aunt starts checking us in.  So she takes our passports, told me to sign mine (oops)… Then she checked our bags, and took us upstairs to security check.  She stood in line with us for about 10 minutes, until the line started to move.  She asked where we were going, then wished us a safe trip, and headed back to her checkin station downstairs.

Avi and I were pretty much at the start of the line, so we made it through security fairly quickly.  I love flying that early, there’s really no one else around, and it’s nice and quiet, less lines, etc.  So we got to our gate all the way at the end of the airport, and we sat down by the wall right by our zone, which was zone 3 or 4.  There was a woman sitting on that row of chairs as well, and it looked like we were bothering her.  So we sat down, tired from the one hour of sleep that we had gotten that night.  I gave Avi a pair of my sunglasses, and I put mine on, with my hat over my eyes to shield the light and maybe try to take some sort of nap before we boarded.  I had plugged my headphones into my ears and put on Madonna’s “Drowned World” from her Ray of Light album, which is the most relaxing song.  As I’m dozing off, Avi decided he wanted to go see if any of the food stands were open, so I left my comfortableness… I guess I was kinda hungry at that point! So we went to this cafe around the corner from our gate.  I don’t remember the name of the place, but they served these breakfast strombolis.  Avi ended up ordering a breakfast stromboli, and I got a bagel with scallion cream cheese and a hot tea.  We got to the register, and all of the orders kept getting backed up, and the staff kept giving people the wrong things.  Once they finally corrected our order we sat down at a table right in front of the register, so we thoroughly enjoyed continuing to watch the amount of incorrect orders that ensued.  We also spotted a little girl in line who reminded us both of me when I was little.  She sat at a table behind us, and Avi was staring at her laughing the whole time, shaking his head at how much of a brat she was.  He was like, “She’s just like you, always has to have the last word”.  So that was funny.  After we finished our food, we walked to a couple other stands so Avi could try to find a cheap pair of sunglasses, cuz he didn’t wanna bring his real $200 Aviators on the trip.  None of the stands sold sunglasses, oddly enough, so then we figured we’d just get them on the trip.  We made way for our gate, and as we arrived, our zone was called to board, so we got on pretty fast.  Our seats were right in the middle of the plane on the right hand side, I had the window seat, Avi sat right next to me, and there was a guy on the outside aisle seat.  As we are sitting there waiting for the rest of the plane to board, I see 2 middle aged light skinned black women getting situated in the row right in front of us, on the left side of the plane.  I noticed one of them was my friend Kristin’s mom, getting situated in their seats, so I was getting ready to say hi.  The other lady she was with looked at me like I had a staring problem as she was putting her carry ons in the overheard compartment, hahahah!! I guess it did look that way before she realized that I knew Jackie, my friend’s mom.  So to save myself from looking like an idiot with a  staring problem, I shouted across the aisle, “Jackie!” She turned around and looked so surprised to see us right there, out of all the seats on the plane! So we made some small chit chat through everyone else’s boarding process.

When the plane finally took off at 6 am, I was so unbelievably nauseous!! It’s a good thing I stopped at CVS the week prior and stocked up on some ginger gum, dramomine, & sea band wristlets to aid in motion sickness.  I popped some ginger gum at take off, and then closed my eyes with my head against the window.  Avi napped for a considerable amount of time… I couldn’t nap, I was just way too excited… and nauseous.  I sat there with my iPod on, I listened to some Alanis trying to rid myself of the nausea.  When Avi awoke, the drink cart came by and he got me a ginger ale with some ice.  That helped settle my stomach a bit. We flipped through the sky mall catalogue a bit, and I oogled at the map in the back of one of the travel magazines in the backseat pocket of the chair in front me.  Maps intrigue me, they always make me wonder where I will travel to next.  Although the flight was a rough take off, the duration of the flight was a pretty smooth one, and even landing was pretty smooth.  The flight lasted about 3 hours or so, and we landed in Tampa, Florida at about 9 am.

I texted my mom to let her know that we landed safely, and then we made way to baggage claim.  We even got off the plane relatively fast, and as we exited the plane and through the gate terminal, I could feel the humidity warm my chilled Jersey bones.  This was exactly what I needed!

So we got off of the plane and Avi and I caught up with Jackie, and she introduced us to her friend Cheryl.  We stopped at the restrooms real quick before we made our way downstairs to get the shuttle to baggage claim.  As we walked around the airport on the way to the shuttle we noticed how beautiful this airport was.  It was like a mini shopping mall! There were nice jewelry, & clothing shops everywhere, along with a Wine Bar, Starbucks, and a T.G.I. Friday’s! We were very impressed with Tampa’s airport, it was very clean and felt very open.  So we got the shuttle to baggage claim and our luggage was the first few pieces to come out, it couldn’t have worked out more perfect! Avi and I tied some blue lacy ribbon to our red and black luggages so we could recognize ours at a first glance.  It worked very well!  So we gathered our luggage , and Jackie had asked us if we were taking the shuttle to the dock or a cab with them.  We had already booked our shuttle to the dock, and she told us that we should have taken a cab because then we’ll have to wait around for who knows how long for the bus to pick us up. A girl from the carnival shuttle services spotted us and asked us if we had our shuttle booked, and Avi and I gave her our names so she found us on the list.  The girl told us that we would only have to wait til 10:30 or so til the shuttle gets there, and explained to Jackie that the benefit of taking the shuttle is that they take our bags for us and don’t have to go through the bag check process once we board the ship.  Carnival would take care of getting our bags to our room for us.  So Avi and I were fine with that.  The girl did however explain to us that if we wanted anything from our bags at that moment, then we should take it out now, because we wouldn’t see our bags again til 1:00 pm when they arrive at our room.  Right away, I unlocked my bag and threw my sweat shirt in there since I wouldn’t be needing that in this heat! I also unpacked my flip flops, and took a pair of shorts and my bikini so we could hit the pool as soon as we got on the ship!  So as Avi and I got the stuff we needed out of our bags and got situated, Jackie’s mother in law met up with them as we were standing there, so she introduced Alice.  Jackie, Cheryl, & Alice parted ways with us here so they could go outside and wait for their cab.  We agreed to meet them back on the ship. The girl with the carnival shuttle was making some conversation with us as she walked us to the shuttle pick up, just asking us where we were from, and how she also had some friends from Jersey.  So she brought us outside to the bus terminals, and told us Helga would take it from there.  Helga was a short little stocky foreign woman with a raspy accented voice, and thick clear framed glasses with brownish lenses.  She explained to us, leave our bags with her, we have about an hour before the shuttle gets there, so to go inside and grab some coffee or tea, just be back and wait over on the sidewalk off of the bus terminal in an hour.  Avi and I had some time to kill, so we figured we’d go inside and grab a drink (not a coffee). Yes we are lushes, at 10 am.

As we were walking back toward the building, we saw Jackie, Cheryl, and Alice waiting for their taxi, so we waived over to them.  Jackie yelled, “See you guys on the ship!” We nodded, and headed back into the airport. We walked back, looking for escalators, and to our right found a immobile one.  Avi said, “Let’s go”.. and I hesitated and was like, “Wait this doesn’t work”… He was like, “Uhhhh…. it still works you idiot, we’ll just have to climb stairs”. We got a good laugh out of that and started climbing.  Much to our discontent, when we got to the top, we had discovered that we had come to a dead end, and the elevator on that floor did not work. So we walked back down and grabbed an elevator from that floor instead. We headed up to the 2nd floor and Avi spotted a Ron Jon Surf Shop in hopes of finding some glasses. We went in, and spotted a rack of fake Aviators, where I coined the new term “Fauxviators”. He tried on a few pairs and eventually settled on gold rimmed polarized blue lensed glasses. They were 20 bucks, which was extremely reasonable!  I saw a lot of cute stuff in here that I was tempted to buy, but I knew I had to save my money for the week long trip which hadn’t even started yet! After we left that store, we circled the grounds for a bit to scope out what there was to drink around there.  We spotted the Friday’s and agreed to go in for a drink.  We grabbed a couple large red cushiony stools at the bar and took a seat.  The bartender was a cool guy, maybe his mid 30s, head shaved bald.  He greeted us and asked us what we wanted.  Avi and I both spotted the same drink on the menu that caught both of our eye.  No beer this time, we were going straight for the hard shit while the family at the 4 seated ground table behind us were scarfing down REAL breakfast, and not rum like a bunch of alcoholics.  So the guy winced after we told him the signature drink that we both wanted, fearing they might not have what he needed to make the drink, but we told him and he was like, “OH, never mind, I could definitely do that.”  I don’t even remember what was in it, it might have been pineapple juice, cranberry juice, and some seltzer, and a lime… OH and RUM.. how could I forget that!

After the guy fixed us our drinks, Avi asked if he could buy some shots.  I just glanced at Avi and was like, “YOU GOIN HARD ALREADY!?” The bartender just laughed.  So I asked, “What’s in a Surfer On Acid?” and as he was thinking about it, without skipping a beat, the waitress behind him, cleaning the other side of the bar spat out “JAEGER, PINEAPPLE JUICE, AND RUM”. Our bartender looked at her in shock, like WHOAAA, Did that really just happen? She apologized for eavesdropping on our conversation, but then proceeded to fix us the shots.  We all got a good laugh about it.  The shots were HUGE… I think I drank half of mine and then I let Avi have the other half, since he was obviously really eager to start getting shit faced already.  During our relaxing drink, we relished at the fact that we don’t have to deal with bratty children like the people sitting behind us, and we cheers’d to the start of a great vacation!

We paid and closed out our tab and checked the time, and it was about time to make it back to the bus terminal.  We headed back downstairs and stopped at the bathroom before heading out the door so Avi could change into his shorts.  After this we went and waited on the benches on the sidewalk off the bus terminal.  Helga was directing people with her clipboard to do the same.  We sat on the bench feeling pretty buzzed and goofy already, so excited to get the week rolling! We waited on this bench for probably another 45 minutes before the bus even got there.  We just did stupid shit like taking pictures of our feet.  We were getting pretty bored and anxious.  We had thought our bus was there, so we had stood up, only to find out that it wasn’t.  So we lost our seat on the bench, and waited while we stood.  A latino couple passed right by us and then reeked of musk and sex.  I was like, “Avi, do you smell that?”  He was like, “Yea, and look at the size of his ring.” I discreetly turned my head and glanced to find the biggest pimp daddy status ring I have ever seen on man.  It was like unnecessarily ginormous, and we both chuckled over it.  Our bus pulled up to the terminal finally!  We made a B-line for the bus before the rest of the crowd realized it was ours.  We found a seat, and it was nice and air conditioned on the bus.  We kept an eye on our bags and made sure they made it onto the bottom of the bus.  The bus was filled with many old, retirees from the deep south and beyond.  We were clearly not in our element here.  Our bus driver was a funny southern black woman who had funny one liners here and there.  She kept us entertained as we drove through Florida’s palm tree lined twisty turny highways.  It was a bright and beautiful sunny day, and it felt SO good to be out of Jersey!

So we finally pull up to the port, and Avi’s expression was just PRICELESS!! His jaw just dropped as he said in disbelief, “Wow… I didn’t realize the ships were THAT big”.  We pull into the terminal as the luggage hands start unloading bags from beneath the bus.  A short cowboy looking guy who worked for the cruise line came onto the bus and started explaining to us not to leave the bus yet.  He also started mouthing some other directions that the angry hum of the bus prevented its passengers from deciphering.  Some angry southerners from the back of the bus started shouting, “WE CAN’T HEAR YOU!”.  He came a bit closer and started yelling the information this time.  There were 2 older southern belle type of woman sitting in the seat right next to Avi and I, one of which raised her hand and exclaimed with a twang “I can hear yewwwww…”.  Avi and I just looked at each other and laughed.  The man was trying to explain to us that when we get off the bus, do not take our luggage upon exiting the bus (although they were all scattered throughout the terminal waiting to be collected), and have our passports and boarding passes ready for the door guards.  We spotted our bags to make sure they were accounted for, then left them as we made our way to the entrance.  Two very dark and tall caribbean looking african men in guard uniform stopped us as we got to the door.  We handed them our passports and boarding passes as they scoped our profiles suspiciously before motioning us to the escalator.  The sign in front of it read “Have one hand available to use escalator” with a female guard sitting there next to it making sure no one does anything stupid. Avi and I hop on and make our way to the top floor where we are motioned to go wait in a queued maze to speak to a check in clerk.  The man working the line organization motioned for us to make our way to the clerk all the way to the left end of the room, closest to the entrance to the boat.  The lady was very nice and asked us if this was our first cruise.  Avi excitedly made sure she knew it was his first.  She wished us much fun and supplied us with our Sign and Sail cards which we would be using as our cash on board throughout our time on the ship.  Once we had those, we exited onto another area which had more Que poles and red ropes with a huge sign painted on the wall in Carnival’s signature red and blue lettering that said “WELCOME ALMOST ABOARD!”. I had Avi stop here for an overly excited photo op before making our way through another set of doors to a bag check, and a couple rounds of security.  The scanner picked up something weird in Avi’s camera bag so he had to have it scanned again.  After the 2nd time it was fine, and we laughed as people were putting their electronics in these containers that looked like dog bowls.  We gathered our belongings and made our way to yet ANOTHER entrance with a photographer and a phony Carnival backdrop.  We posed for one more photo op before grabbing our things again and making our way down a long white gangway corridor. We took some goofy pics in here as we clearly could not contain our excitement!  We finally got to the entrance door to the lobby of the ship and the crew scanned our Sign and Sail cards to check us in onboard.

We made our way into the breathtaking, sky high lobby with elevators running up and down 9 floors.  The room was open and airy, with cathedral meets Vegas like ambience and decor.  The elevators were made of glass, constantly running up and down each floor, overlooking a wood dance floor and bar.  Avi and I spotted Jackie, Cheryl, & Alice at the bar and went over to say hi.  Jackie told us that Kristin would be down in a minute because she is not allowed up on deck unless family is there.  The staff and crew are not allowed to fraternize with guests onboard.  During the time that we were waiting for Kristin, Jackie said they were going to get some drinks.  She seemed very friendly with the bartender, so I asked her, “Do you know the bartender?”… I did not realize that this was Kristin’s boyfriend! Jackie said, “No, that’s Kristin’s boyfriend David!” I said, “Ohhhh! I forgot he was a bartender on the ship”.  So we all got a laugh about this and continued to wait for Kristin.  Jackie proceeded to tell her girlfriends that Kristin and I have known each other for a very long time! We have grown up together basically.

I met Kristin when I was 8 years old.  Our mothers both worked full time jobs so we were enrolled in an after school program called Latchkey which allowed us to hang out with each other every day after school up until about 6th grade.  Then in middle school we would choreograph dances together for school talent shows.  We didn’t talk or hang out much upon entering high school, but started hanging out again at the end of junior year when we both started doing school drama club and summer drama workshops.  We also did competition cheering together, our team went to Florida and took home the National Championship trophy for our division in 2001! We graduated together and got even closer after high school, even when she went away to college.  I abandoned dancing altogether, and Turner just flourished in it.  She has been able to make a great career out of it, leaving college to dance for the New York Nicks, and the Boston Patriots.  She has toured all over the world with dance companies, to Thailand, the Philippines, China, and even Iraq. In 2009, things seemed to calm down for her a bit and we both agreed to move out to LA together with my brother, since we were all aspiring entertainers.  We rented a little moving truck and went to pick up her stuff from storage in Seattle where she worked at a radio show for awhile. We drove from Seattle, WA all the way down to LA, California and started to settle into a new place.  About a week into living there, she had gotten offered a contract doing entertainment on a cruise line and she has been doing this line of work ever since.  As envious as I am about her ability to travel all around the world, I don’t really think I have the heart it takes to be able to do that line of work and be so far from home more than 3/4 of the year.

So Turner soon makes her way down in a pretty flowy dress.  We all greet each other and exchange hugs and Kristin puts the first round of welcome drinks on her Sign and Sail card.  We all cheersed to the voyage ahead with some sparkling mimosas and took many pictures.   She had to get back to work, so she let Avi and I go explore the ship.  She led us up to the elevator and pointed us in the general direction of how to get around.  We had all agreed to meet up for dinner in the Truffles dining room later that night.  Avi and I had set off to explore this beautiful gigantic boat that we would be on for the coming week!
Before making our way to our room, we were pretty hungry from the whole journey in just getting to the boat and onto it, so we headed up to the 9th floor Lido Deck and found a buffet commencing.  We grabbed some plates and dining ware and helped ourselves to the first meal of many onboard the Carnival Legend.

We grabbed some fried rice, chicken/mushroom/pepper stir fry, broiled fish, penne pasta with ham, and some broiled seasoned potatoes.  We grabbed a seat at one of the many tables lined in front of the windows looking out onto the harbor in Tampa.  We could spot the Norwegian Dawn, another cruise line from where we were docked.  I pointed to it and showed Avi, since it was the last cruise ship that I was on.  As we were eating our lunch, a girl came by and asked if we would like some drinks.  She had some very tropical looking drinks with umbrellas in red souvenir cups with the Carnival logo on them.  We couldn’t say no! I mean we were on vacation, and we were gonna do it right, damnit! She only had one on her tray, so she dropped that one off, and said she’d be back with the next.  Avi let me have the first one, like the gentlemen that he is.  As we were waiting on the other drink, another woman rolled up a cart with some wine bottle and choices of meats.  She asked if we had made reservations to eat at the Steakhouse on board yet, and if she could get us to make a reservation with her.  She told us about the wine specials, which were a complimentary bottle of their house red or white with a reservation for the first night, all in her russian accent.  We had already talked about dining at the Steakhouse with Kristin, but not until the 4th night in Belize.  So we kindly told her about our plans and that we knew someone who worked on the ship.  She asked who we knew, and we said, “Kristin Turner, she’s a dancer.”  She said, “Ohhh… I think I know her, she’s that short girl with the hair up to here…”, as she pointed to her chin.  Avi and I both laughed at the obvious refrain at the mention of her skin color.  Most people don’t want to make it a race thing these days, or be politically incorrect.  I mean, everyone is guilty of this, even myself!  We just said, “Yup, that’s her”. She insisted we enjoy our stay, and proceeded on to persuade some other passengers into the wine special reservation.  She left, and we were still waiting for the other drink for quite a few minutes.  We had even finished our meals first!  After we finally received our other drink, we headed out to the pool area.  The Legend ship has an area strictly reserved for adult relaxation, called SERENITY.  And I must admit, it was very serene at the first impression.  We walked out onto the deck to find a quaint salt water pool and hot tub as the centerpiece of the area.  There were turquoise cushioned brown wicker chairs lining pool, along with some little turquoise cushioned beds nested in brown wicker canopy huts.  These were prime real estate throughout the trip, it seemed, for the less avid tanners.  Most of the people who hogged these, were book or kindle readers.  They also had a couple hammocks on both sides of the floor plan as well.  Also, the bar rested in the center of the entrances on both sides which was shaded, with some tables and some lounge chairs for eating or relaxing.  We entered from the left and who do we see!?! Kristin having some lunch & cheesecake with her mother, Cheryl, & Alice.  We all laughed and we joined to converse with them for a bit.  During our conversation, Avi & I noticed this strange bug flying around.  It looked like 2 mosquitoes or lighting bugs attached to each other, flying around.  We asked Kristin what they were, and she told us that they were “Lovebugs”, and that they were harmless.  Harmless they were indeed, but quite ANNOYING!  They kept flying into things, and sometimes that thing was your face.  She assured us that they would disappear once we set sail.  Nothing can really hover or land on the ship once it has set sail, and the things that do, don’t survive.  Sad huh? So after everyone had finished their lunch, Kristin had decided to give us a little tour of the ship.  We started by heading up the stairs from the Serenity Lounge, and she showed us the new water slides the ship had added… That’s right… water slides… right above the adult’s “serene” retreat.  And you know what water slides equal? SCREAMING KIDS. Kind of counter productive if you ask me! HAHA! So she showed us that, then she explained to us that the whale tail, which is Carnival’s signature emblem, actually had their own recycling system built into it, which is what the black smoke coming out of the top was.  We made our way down to the front end of the ship, where she led us into the spa area, the gym, and the walking track.  We literally walked A LOT, on this mini tour alone. After she wrapped things up with us, she told us that there would be a safety briefing around fourish or so.

Avi & I had decided to finally go back to the room to relax a bit before the safety briefing, and to see if our bags had shown up yet.  We got to our room #4191 on Deck 4.  It was booked as an “interior” cabin, but we still had a window.  It was still classified as interior, because our view was obstructed by one of the life boats.  It was a quaint sized cabin with a king sized bed, a couch (which our luggages used, instead of us), a vanity which I used to do my hair and makeup, and a cozy little bathroom with one of those little slab showers like the ones I mentioned in my Italy blogs.  The only thing keeping the water from flooding was a tiny lip, maybe 5 inches high.  So we got to our cabin, and there were no bags yet.  When we got to the room, the TV was on, set on the cruise information channel.  It kept relaying the same message over and over about how in the even of an emergency, you must report to your Muster Station.  Avi and I were laughing at this, calling it the “Mustard” station.  So while we are in the room, a luggage hand knocks on the door and delivers Avi’s luggage. Of course they deliver the man’s first! What could a man possibly need that he doesn’t already carry on him!! A woman always needs everything, including the kitchen sink. So I am a little annoyed that my bag didn’t arrive yet at this point.  So we’re still listening to this Muster Station information on repeat, and Avi points out a jar of cookies with a cute rainbow ribbon tied around the top.  It had a little note attached, which had a small umbrella logo at the top with the print “YOU’RE ON VACATION” and the handwriting read, “Welcome Aboard Juss & Avi <3 Kristin & David.  It was so cute!  I texted her to thank her as we still had cell service at this point (we hadn’t set sail yet).  As we are waiting for the announcement to report to our Muster Station, there is another knock at the door.  Thinking it was my bag, I excitedly opened the door.  It was not my bag, however, it was our cabin stewardess, I-Wayan.  He was a nice little pacific islander, polynesian man.  He asked if everything was ok in his filipino accent and that he would be waiting on us for the week.  I assured him everything was fine at the moment, that I was just waiting for my bag.  He assured me that it would be at the room soon and that if he sees the bag sitting outside the door, that he would take it into the room for me if we were not there.  I thanked him graciously and he left.  Soon after the announcement came on into our cabins that it was now time to report to our Muster Stations for our safety briefing.  Avi and I made our way to the end of the corridor and down 1 level of stairs, where a crowd of people were already herded up like a bunch of cattle.  We proceeded out onto the deck at their approval and lined up against the wall.  Lovebugs were all about, flying through the air, smacking into people. More people came and filed in line, in front of us.  One extremely tall woman and her large infant, and husband stood right in front of me.  That’s just so typical.  I’m 4’11” and I always get the behemoth people in front of me. I huffed and puffed and Avi just gave me the “STOPPIT” look.  Since I couldn’t see the safety demonstration going on in front of me any longer, I figured the only thing I COULD do, was look at the woman’s feet.  They were extremely huge and her toes looked like little aliens with misshapen heads sticking out in all different directions. Her heel could crush a small rodent with the right amount of impact.  I dazed off into these absurd scenarios about her hideous gargantuan peds and then realized, I would be utterly and completely fucked if this ship were to go down, all because the circus had let their oversized woman take a vacation leave the same week as me.

So after the safety briefing wrapped up, Avi and I had decided to go to the pool with whatever little time we had before we were to meet up for dinner in the Truffles dining room.  We headed to SERENITY and managed to find 2 chairs right smack in front of the pool.  Since Avi had gotten the first round of drinks, I picked up the second round as he held our spots at the chairs. I went to the bar and ordered myself a frozen Pina Colada, and Avi wanted their homemade mexican beer.  I don’t remember what it was called, but he enjoyed it.  I also got myself a bottle of water since I was already starting to feel pretty dehydrated from all the traveling we had been doing.  The bill came to like $17, and I was still not familiar with the idea that gratuity was included, so I had actually tipped $3 which I was not supposed to.  It is fine though, because I later looked on my Sign and Sail charges at the end of the trip, and they refunded that charge to me.  So I brought over the drinks and we lied out a bit in the hot Florida sun, mind you we have STILL NOT SET SAIL!  Lovebugs were still on the rampage smacking into my face as I’m trying to lie out, and Avi is getting pissy with me because he knows how I get pissy when bugs start to annoy me.  I didn’t strip completely down to my bikini bottoms because I had realized that I needed to clean up my bikini area a bit more, oops! So we had maybe an hour out by the pool and one drink, before we went back to the room to clean up for dinner.  We had FINALLY started to set sail!  Upon arriving back to the room, we found my bag at the door! I jumped for joy and then lugged my bag into the room and onto the couch to decide what I was going to wear for the night’s festivities.  As we entered the room, I-Wayan had already been there to do our turn down service for the night, which is when they pull your comforter down half way to make it easier to crawl into bed, and also leave a cute little animal made from the towels, with some chocolates and the itinerary for the next day.  Our animal tonight was a little elephant.  Avi was so surprised, I don’t think he’s ever seen these before! So anyway,  I decided on a cute little blue and white romper with some beaded flip flops to wear to dinner.  I also ran a flat iron through my hair.  Avi cleaned himself up and changed into a nice light tan colored polo shirt with a sunset print across the front and some khaki shorts.

We made our way down to the ship’s lobby to meet up with everyone.  We met the ladies seated on the couches and Kristin showed up shortly after with some blue lanyards with the Carnival red and white logos on them.  attached was a CREW FAMILY PASS!  This would allow us to go down to the crew level with her on the bottom of the ship.  From there, we headed to her boyfriend David’s bar where things seemed a little more relaxed and we were able to talk to him more, as opposed to the crazy lobby bar he was stationed at earlier.  Avi ordered himself a martini, slightly dirty and I ordered a Mojito. We sat at the bar for a bit before we headed into the Truffles dining lounge with everyone and our drinks.  We were seated at a table for six.  On one side it was Kristin, Alice, and I, and across from us it was Kristin’s mom Jackie, Cheryl, and Avi.  As we had our appetizers, we all made some awkward small talk.  I ordered the shrimp cocktail which was served in a little sampling dish.  There were about 5 or 6 shrimp in a bed of lettuce and shaved carrots along with a dollop of cocktail sauce.  It was quite refreshing.  Alice and I marveled at how beautiful and elegantly the food had been plated, and both shared in our love of taking the mandatory photo of our food before we eat it.  Jackie had also reminisced about how Kristin and I used to dance together, and I reminded Kristin at how we had named our act “Short and Sweet” in our middle school talent show. We all had a good laugh, and then the main courses had arrived.  This is when things started to get a bit awkward.  All of the sudden, Alice had asked, “Would everyone join me in a grace before we eat our food?” We all kind of just looked at each other, hoping one of us would break the awkward silence.  Avi being the nice guy, said, “Sure”.  We all kind of looked at each other and agreed under a muffled hesitance.  Avi’s nice guy approach had backfired on him, because Alice had then singled him out and asked him, “Would you do the honors or leading us in our Grace?” At this point, a speechless Avi looked to me for help.  I mean, I was raised Catholic and Christian, but I am not religious enough to even know how to lead a grace.  Everyone else was just dead silent.  I tried to relieve some of the awkwardness of Avi looking like an insensitive asshole toward something this woman obviously held very sacred to her heard, and turned to Alice and said, “Oh Alice, he didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just that Avi’s family is not Catholic or Christian, they are Hindu so they actually don’t do the grace thing.” She seemed a bit shocked and embarrassed, and apologized and asked, “Oh are you offended?” Avi said no, not at all, of course.  He is a gentlemen. That did not make things any less awkward though.  Dinner moved on, and everyone else finished their meals off with pastries and cakes, while I settled for a fresh fruit plate.  It was only my first day, but I was already feeling pretty bloated.

After dinner, we had agreed to go our separate ways and meet up around 8ish for Kristin’s first show of the trip.  Avi and I had gone back to the room so I could try to go to the bathroom, to which luck, I had none.  I had opted to take a nap instead since we were still running on the 2 hours of sleep prior to the airport the night before.  I literally could not keep my eyes open any longer.  We both passed out for a good 2 hours or so… I remember waking up to Avi in hustle mode, telling us that we were running late and that Kristin’s show was about to start.  I rushed up out of the bed and refreshed myself, brushing my hair and teeth.

We headed down to the theater which was already darkened and almost filled to capacity.  We spotted Jackie, Cheryl, & Alice toward the front and center row in front of the stage, but we settled for lounge seats further back in the house.  The show started with 2 comedians who were both pretty funny.  One was a funny spunky black woman named Jaylyn Bishop.  She was very funny and over the top… I don’t really remember what most of her skit was about. The second comedian was a seemingly laid back guy named Will Marfori.  The whole basis of his skit was about his Cerebral Palsy, which was awkwardly funny.  He was hilarious, and I enjoyed his set a lot more.  He also made fun of Fantasia Barrino being dyslexic but writing a book about, saying, “Who is that gonna help?!?” I thought that was brilliant.  After the comics, it was on with the show! Kristin’s first show of our trip!  It was called Motor City and was based on all of the old Motown music from the 50s and 60s.  The costumes, sets, choreography, performers were ALL amazing! It was a shame we couldn’t take any photos or videos.  I wish I could have captured Kristin all dressed up in costume and stuff.  I just didn’t want to deal with any old people threatening to tattle on me, cuz i’ve been in that situation before… and by the way, on this night, the theater was FILLED with old people. So the show lasted about a half hour, and we waited for most of the theater to file out before going down to the ladies and showing face.  I didn’t want them to think that we skipped out on Kristin’s first show! I just REALLY needed a nap! So we went down and said hi and rant and raved about the show.  Jackie said Kristin would be coming out shortly, so we waited at the back of the theater for her for a bit.  During our time waiting for her, a few of her cast mates walked past us, said hi and asked us how we enjoyed the show.  So we were introduced to them formally, by Jackie. Kristin came down and met up with us in one of the aisles to discuss the plans for the rest of the evening.  She was going to the club on the ship called Medusa’s Lair, to do a promotional dance called The White Knights.  They do these dances to get people into the club.  So Cheryl and Alice said their goodnights here, and Jackie agreed to meet us at the club.  We ended up sticking around the theater for some reason, Kristin said she’s be right back and then disappeared for awhile.  Avi and I just sat there, recapping the whole first day/night on the ship.  I filmed him doing a short vlog here.  We were the only ones in the theater, besides the maids who were vacuuming confetti off of the sun motif’d rugs.  The song “Closing Time” started playing, and I acknowledged it, “Maybe they’re trying to tell us something”.

So we waited around for Kristin a little longer, and then when she finally came out we agreed to meet her at Medusa’s Lair Club for her White Knight’s Performance.  We headed to the club, which you probably wouldn’t have recognized as a club from just walking past if it weren’t for the 2 feet of red carpet and the velvet ropes on stanchions leading up to a revolving door which the music would bump from every time somebody entered or exited.  There were some leather couches outside the club, because it was also right by a bar area and lounge. So we waited outside of the club and met Jackie there as she was all ready to capture Kristin with her camera.  Kristin showed up with her dance team, 3 other members beside her: Christopher, Josh, and Fran (her dance captain). They were all dressed in white denim from head to toe, with little wings encrusted on the back of their vest jackets in white rhinestoned diamonds.  Now I figured out why they were called the White Knights hahaha! So Kristin was getting ready with her crew, and told us to go wait inside the club cuz they were going to be down in a bit.  The club was 2 floors.  As soon as you walked in, the bar was to your left taking up the whole length of the wall.  To the right there was a spiraling staircase that led to the lower level of the club. To the right of the staircase there was a ledge with a row of bar stools where the smokers congregated to creep on the dancers shaking their thangs on the light up discoesque floor below.  I must admit, Avi, Kristin, & I were totally guilty of this (not the smoking, but the creeping), but I’ll get to that later. So we head down the lit up spiral staircase to the level below and to the left of the dance floor there was a little cove with a bunch of tables and chairs.  Avi, Jackie, & I sat down at the closest table to the ramp to the dance floor to wait for Kristin’s dance to start.  In the meantime, there was a plump middle aged white man on the dance floor, just tearing it up, by himself.  He was the ONLY one on the dance floor.  So I couldn’t NOT video record him.  He went on for a good 20 minutes, just getting it on by himself.  Soon after, Willie, the cruise director kicked him off the stage, which was a good laugh.  He told him he was gonna buy him a Spring and then told him to SHOVE OFF in his British accent, which made me piss my pants.  He then announced Kristin’s dance troupe.  They ran down the spiral staircase dancing to a medley of “Without You” by Usher,  “So Wake Me Up When It’s All Over” (I’m not sure what the exact name of that song is) and “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba which was a cool mixup. They did a huge block of dancing, then headed out to the audience to try to get them up on the floor.  They even ran up the spiral staircase to engage some people at the bar.  The really lit up that already lit up floor that was backed by a large head of Medusa covering the entire wall.  It was such a cool club, and a cool vibe. After the first medley, it went into a medley of “Blurred Lines” & “I’m Bringing Sexy Back”.  The whole dance was so much fun and I taped the whole thing as I was screaming “GET IT GIRL” from the sidelines.  Soon most of the audience was up on the dance floor getting their groove on with the dancers.  After Kristin’s dance thing, we hung out for a bit, and then exited the club and took some photos outside. We walked back to the theater with Kristin so she could get changed, and then we planned to go down to crew bar with her, which is where the crew actually lives.  The crew is actually not allowed to hang out at the bars on the ship unless they’re working, so there is a specific hangout for them on the bottom of the ship where they also sleep and live.  They also get things for A LOT cheaper down there.  Drinks are about a dollar or 2 each.  She got us 2 cranberry vodkas each and a HUGE bottle of water for our room, which she put on her sign and sail card. We then hung out for a bit in the bar below, which looked like a typical basement rec room.  There were couches, tables n chairs, a tv playing the game, with faux portal windows which were actually mirrors lined with blue rope lighting. We plopped down on some couches right in front of the tv area and just caught up, and she told us about some behind the scenes things on the ship.  Soon after David came down and hung out with us for a bit.  We got to know him a little more, but he was still a bit quiet with us at first.  He and Turner were teaching us a bit of how the Hungarian alphabet is set up and how certain things are pronounced, since David is Hungarian.  We eventually wrapped up the night around 2 am.  It was a LONNNNGGGGG day, and I could barely keep my eyes open any longer.  I needed some toothpicks to hold them open just to carry on these conversations.  So Kristin walked us back upstairs and we all said our goodnights.
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I hit the pillow that night looking forward to the whole next relaxing day we would get to spend on board, and I was OUT like a light!